Yesterday was Bella’s birthday and today I feel guilty. I don’t feel like I did enough.
I shouldn’t feel this way, because it was her choice to use her party money to buy a tablet pc. It was her choice to get her present a week early so there was nothing to open on the big day. It was her choice to use cake money to buy a tennis racket. She doesn’t seem to be upset. But I still feel bad.
I guess it’s my chronic feelings of inadequacy coming back. I compare myself to my friends and see all the things they do that I don’t. I forget that they don’t have the same challenges as I do. I forget how far I’ve come in the last few years. None of my friends (except maybe on the web) have depression and ADD and are single parents of a kid with a chronic illness and ADHD. I just know that my baby had a birthday that was barely different from a normal run of the mill day.
I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.